My Son

My son, Kevin, will turn 29 on March 18th. He had rough and rocky teens and early twenties. Angry over our divorce, numbing himself with everything you could think of from his pain, unable to find his place in the world. He was so tough. He finally scared himself with his behaviors and his oldest friend, Drew, a Marine himself, took him in hand. Drew and I talked several times around then but I credit him with giving Kevin the good swift kick he needed and telling him he needed the professionals to kick it some more. So my Kevin, the little boy who stole my heart at his arrival and took a few pieces out of it along the way, enlisted in the Marine Corps. In 2007 with the Irag War going full tilt. He has been through boot camp and electronoics training and he is stationed now at Camp Lejeune, N.C. When he was out in California at a base in the desert, I thought they might be preparing him to go to Iraq from there. The conditions, the heat, the sand, all of it was so similar to the conditions he would face in the Middle East, I thought that might be part of the plan. But he was sent to Lejeune. And now he is hearing a lot of rumors that he and his guys may be shipping out to Afghanistan. This is the risk of enlisting in war time, I know. This is what Marines are trained to handle so they step up and do it when asked. I will be there for him in spirit and pride and love if this is what happens. But I cannot begin to say how utterly frightened and rattled I am. He'd be gone for over a year. What if he's wounded? What if his legs are hurt and he can't walk or run, or his hands were injured and he couldn't take care of his basic needs let alone play his guitar anymore? Oh God, what if he loses his life? I know this young man well and I know that there is a part of him that feels he has something to prove, he needs to test himself and show himself that he is courageous and strong and not that guy he used to be. What if he does that...and we lose him? I can't help but think these things. I'm his mother and he rests in a part of my heart this is all his. Dear God, please don't let them send him there. I nearly lost him to his own foolish choices and behaviors here. But he pulled himself up and has not only survived but transformed himself. Did he do that to die for this insane war? I love my country but I hate this war. And I hate that our soldiers are dying for people who don't want us there. Do I want them to find Bin Laden? Yes. Do I want my son in the line of fire as they do it? No. Not ever. Please, keep him here.